There once was a two-headed dragon named Vishvam who lived in a kingdom
called Shamballa. Vishvam had to endure several quarrels throughout his life to
prove himself and remain in high power in his kingdom. There was only one higher
than him and that was the grand Dragon Dasharatha. Vishvam had heard from the
kingdom folks that his arch enemy, Zinyak was sending two of his best fighters
to rip him from his throne. Zinyak appears in numerous forms, such as monsters
and phantoms, or in his human form. Zinyak and his two hellions had caused
Vishvam trouble before, but they had trained strenuously for the upcoming
battle and Vishvam knew that he could not endure this battle alone. Therefore,
he must get the help of Dasharatha to defeat the evil enemies.
Quietly enjoying his evening, Dasharatha was just about to call it a
night when a loud chatter followed by a loud knock at the castle door made him
stop in his tracks. Dasharatha flew over, and sputtered “Who would it be”?
Looking through the tiny hole in the castle door, Dasharatha could see that it
was the great Vishvam, but what could be so urgent at this time of night? After
a brief conversation, Dasharatha knew that this could not be avoided. Vishvam
was about to have the fight of his life and knew that without his son, Rama,
Vishvam stood no chance in beating Zinyak. As much as it saddened Dasharatha,
he gave permission for Rama and his other son, Lakshmana to escort Vishvam to
the fight. Vishvam felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders and
assured Dasharatha that he would protect his two sons and would return with a
victory. Off they went, deep into the forest, with chains and swords in hand. Vishvam
was right, that was harder than any other battle he had fought in, and after
ten long days, they had finally defeated the likings of Zinyak. After resting
to regain their strength for a couple of days they could return to Shamballa
and give Dasharatha the great news.
Meanwhile, back in the kingdom, the worst had happened. The fierce leader
Dasharatha had grown very ill and none of the old remedies that had been used
for many of years were working to rid him of this unknown disease. It was not
long before Dasharatha had fallen victim and passed away without his beloved
sons by his side. Word was quickly travelling from kingdom to kingdom and
finally made its way to Dasharatha’s long lost son Bharata. Even though there
was still bad blood between the two, Bharata knew that he must go pay respect
to his father.
Upon arriving in Siddhashrama, Bharata was informed that his brothers had
left for battle with Vishvam and had not yet returned. And it was for this
reason that Bharata would not only hold all of the power but he would have to
put his father to rest. This was devastating for Bharata, as he knew that he
did not deserve this power, he had betrayed his father when he left years ago.
He had no choice though. Bharata carried out his duties and then dared the
forest alone to find his brothers, tell them the horrific news, and urge them
to come back to the kingdom. Bharata knew that it was only fair for the eldest
and most knowledgeable brother, Rama to take the place of his father and reign
in power. The people of the kingdom were on their knees, praying to the gods.
Dasharatha’s wives yowled with tears flowing down her face and would continue
to do so for the next 10 days.
Bharata had left the kingdom and was making his way to the forest to find
his brothers and Vishvam. He went from tree to tree, valley to valley,
searching when he stumbled upon the forest monsters known as deathclaws. These
dinosaur-like creatures can appear out of nowhere and jump on you, sucking your
blood. Luckily Bharata was quick on his feet and slayed these creepy creatures
with his fire powers, scorching them to death. Two days passed and there was
still no sign of his brothers. He prayed to queen Ghoma, the spirit god for
guidance and strength – asking her to show him the way to his brothers. She
appeared to him in a cave and steered him on the correct path. He soon found his
brothers in a deserted swamp and broke the bad news to them.
They made their way back in a hurry and Rama would have to go through
great lengths and rituals to take over the power and reign over the kingdom. When
Rama arrived back in Shamballa, the folks cheered and he was greeted by Chopra,
his father’s counselor. It was Chopra that would make Rama swear to the oath
of protecting the town’s people. The cheers humbled Rama, as he was the chosen
one. He swore that he would exert all of his efforts to make sure that the
wicked witch, known as Daedra would pay for what she had done…..poisoned his
father.
Rama and Lakshama shooting the evil raksha. Source; Junglekey
Author's note: I based my story off of the Indian Epics, Ramayana Public Domain Edition. More specifically, I focused on the story of Vishvamitra and Rhama and Bharata. In the original stories, Vishvamitra went to king Dasharata to ask for his sons' help in defeating rakshas. The story of Rhama and Bharata focus on Bharata finding out that his father passed away and he had to find his brother to perform the funeral services for their father. The plot in the story is the same, but I decided to change a few things in order to give it a twist. Some of the character's names also got changed to make it a bit more interesting. A few of the character names are based off of video games.
Bibliography: Ramayana Public Domain Edition
I found that your story was very intriguing, I love how you made the characters into dragons, making it a little more fierce and fun to follow along to. The position of Rama and Lakshmana in the story were great too. Having two great warriors coming in to help the fight made the twist between your story and the Ramayana good.
ReplyDeleteI love your story!! I like how you stayed closer to the original story, as opposed to changing it completely, and added more flare to it! I also chose to read stories from the Ramayana Public Domain, and loved this sub chapter. Your son is so lucky to have a mother that enjoys reading, creating, and sharing!! :)
ReplyDeleteWow:
ReplyDeleteI thought your incorporation of figurative language added a lot to the story. The particular point I noticed were the specific descriptions you gave certain characters.
Adding the descriptions to certain objects/actions such as “loud chatter”, “rip him from his throne”, and “fierce leader” add a lot to the story! The reader is able to feel the story from your word choice.
I wonder:
When Bharata was looking for his brothers and Vishvam, I was wondering how his journey was going. I know that it was unsuccessful at the beginning, but eventually he found them in a swamp. Why a swamp? Were they taken there or did they wander there?
What if:
What if you added different text or a different style of font to emphasize certain parts of the story? Adding capitalizations and underlines could change the way the story is perceived.
Adding a picture in between the text could help the reader have a break in the story. This will allow a visual representation along the way of the story to allow for better flow.