When something is
filled to the edge
It tends to always overflow
And cause Hanuman to jump over the hedge
Jambumali pulled out
his sword and struck it at Hanuman
The blade of his
sword bent like a rod
And Hanuman just
gave him a nod
The mighty monkey
then pulled out a whip
Giving the rakshasas
a hard zip
The rakshasas fired
at Hanuman with bow in hand
Nothing was able to
touch him
And the rakshasas landed
on their knees and hands.
The two enemies were
waiting on the battlefield in Lanka- the city of gold
In the small town that is 100 years old
Jambumali then also stood
with bow and arrow in hand
To try and get
Hanuman to land
He was hurt by an
arrow
But quickly went
flying over the buildings like a house sparrow
Everybody in Lanka was
watching the commanders on the battlefield
As it looked like a
real explosive minefield
Prince Aksha was flanking
his army as they rushed across the field
And started up the
hill toward Hanuman
To prepare for the
victorious big kill
And as they began to
climb
The evil rakshasa monsters
with their big scary eyes turned to slime
Disappearing from
one's sight
And even their dust
faded in the bright light.
Indrajit, conquerer
of Indra Loka, joined the battle with one million shafts
In order to capture
Hanuman and give him a big nasty graft
The flying monkey
was able to escape them all
And Indrajit then
quickly realized that he, the flying monkey, was not able to be mauled
Hanuman was captured
and bound by a big old Brahmin
Who was known by all
as big mama
The rakshasas once
more tried to capture Hanuman and this time were successful
They tied him up
with barks and cords but the monkey did not fear
Because Sita, the
goddess of wealth, was very near
Coming on with a dreadful
pother
Burn him! aat him! kill
him! The rakshasas cried to one another
Ravana was so upset by the monkey’s action and story of Rama
That he wanted to slay the monkey, but was quickly warned by counselors of bad karma
Why don’t you
release Sita and I will save your life
Otherwise, I will have to cut you open with my kukri knife!
Otherwise, I will have to cut you open with my kukri knife!
This made the king
even more upset and he ordered his men to bind Hanuman’s tail with cotton soaked
in oil
The evil monsters
did so and decided to add a spark coil
Relishing a secret
plan, he teased the rakshasas and led them around the town of gold
This made them go
ganja and run around the city that's old
Sita’s spy came running
to her all confused
To give her the
horrible bad news
Grieving dreadfully,
she prayed out loud unto the fire god
To turn her body
into hell fire like the naturally footless snake that is tightwad
So that she can save
Hanuman’s tail by having the fire controlled
And making his long
tail so very icy-cold
Hanuman saw this as
a sign
To burn down all of Lanka
into ash
And save Sita in a
dash
( Hanuman Flying Over Lanka With His Burning Tail. Source: Wikipedia Commons )
Author's Note: For this week's reading, I decided to take the
story of Hanuman Burns Lanka and turn it into a rhyme. The
story is about Hanuman who tried to save Sita after she was captured by Ravana.
Ravana was enraged by Hanuman and therefore set the monkey's tail on fire and
in return, the monkey (Hanuman) jumped from building to building, burning down
the town of Lanka. In the original version, Hanuman visited Lanka all on his own before the arrival of Rama where he acted as a spy. In my version of the story, he gets captured as a soldier before burning down the town. I left each character just as they are in the original story
and used words from the scene to make my rhyme. The plot and scenery stayed the
same as well. If too much detail is added, it might make the poem long
and boring. The picture used shows Hanuman flying over the town of Lanka
with his burning tail. I really enjoyed reading the story. I decided to try
something new and different by writing this poem and experienced around with
different words to make it rhyme.
Vera, this is amazing! I have never seen a story written in a poem format before until I read yours. I am so impress with the details you put in your story telling and I can tell you put a lot of work and heart into writing this because it is quite beautiful. This reminds me of Homer's the Odyssey, and I realize when reading this story as a poem, it is truly epic! The work you put in your rhyme is really good. This is a fresh air for me! Great job and I am looking forward to read more stories from you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, very much Vy. I have to admit, this was quite fun to write! :)
ReplyDeleteWow that was so impressive. It’s not often that you see someone writes a whole poem to tell a story in this class! You happened to use a lot of words that I didn’t know as well so I had to look them up, but I’m absolutely not mad! This is an even greater learning experience for me haha! Great job and I look forward to your next stories.
ReplyDeleteVera, this is so cool. Did you have some experience writing poems before this, or is this just you trying something new? How long did it take to construct this? The wow factor for came as soon I saw you wrote the story in poem format. The story takes a bit of a different shape with the extra dimension of poetry. I like it, well done.
ReplyDeleteThank you, very much.
ReplyDeleteRhino, I do not have any experience with poetry, but I was not 'feeling' like writing a story, so writing a poem made it so much more fun! :-)
Vera, I thought that this was a really unique way to narrate your story. The way you described Hanuman's escape from Lanka was fantastic, with the use of rhymes and the various stanzas to lead the reader through the poem. I also enjoyed that you used some dialogue throughout the poetry to capture the audience. How long did it take you to create this poem? It seems like you put a lot of effort into it because it is so good. I don't know if you have read much of Shakespeare's works but the only thing that I would say is that you might try using something like the iambic pentameter to emphasize some of your points. It would be something additional but will draw the audience to certain details of the poetry. Overall, great work and I hope you write more poetry because I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem!
ReplyDeleteHey Vera! The first thing I noticed when I went to your page was that you have two labels that say portfolio. One is spelled a little different but I was not sure if you were aware of this or not so I thought maybe I would let you know! The one that is spelled “Portfoliio” looks better with the short blurb and link to the story and the other one has the whole story pasted in there. Also, for some reason it will not let me see your post when I click on the link but I was able to read it on your other portfolio label!
ReplyDeleteI like the way you wrote your story. It is written well on poem form! That was very creative of you to rewrite it like that. I agree with you and I think leaving the details the way it is was a good idea. You did a great job on this!
Right from the beginning I am very impressed. Writing a story that rhymes throughout is very difficult to do and you did a great job. I like all of the different words that you used to rhyme. With this being said, the hard part of poetry is making every line rhyme. Making up a rhyme scheme is important and I think this was missing in your story. It seems for the most part there is an AA, BB, CC, DD rhyme scheme, but at certain points it is not this way. A specific example is the fourth paragraph. The ending words are “field, Hanuman, and kill”. I wonder what it would be like to expand the story by one more paragraph? It lands on a little bit of an awkward note. Maybe going a little further and writing about Sita being saved would end the story in a different way.
ReplyDeleteHi Vera! I thought this was a really good way to format the narrative of your story. I really enjoyed the parts describing Hanuman and his escape. It was very nice to read the poem with rhymes, this showed that you really took time on this. The mix of dialogue throughout the poem was also very unique and a nice change from poem format. Do you write a lot of poems? It seemed like this almost came natural to you. On the other hand, if you aren't an avid poem writer, did this take you a long time? Do you plan on writing your entire story book like this? I think it would be really cool, especially with the narrative mixed in. Not a huge deal, but you might want to re-format your picture, it is hanging off the page to the right. I am excited to see how this turns out and excited to read the next addition.
ReplyDeleteI found this piece really interesting! I thought it was incredibly creative of you to write this as a rhyme. It was so entertaining to read that I think I might try this structure myself for one of my later stories. You must have put a lot of work into making the rhymes work and play well together. As someone who’s written poetry in their spare time I can sympathize with the headache of making your stanzas behave. Well done with this story. I really enjoyed reading it. I also thought you chose an excellent story to write in this format. Because the story of Hanuman getting his tail burned is peppered with such vivid imagery, it made for an enticing rhyme.
ReplyDeleteTwo aspects of the rhyme that you might be able to improve for your final project are the meter and structure. In a traditional rhyme or poem, each line has a given meter, often the meter follows a pattern throughout the verses or stanzas of the poem. If you are able to, giving each stanza or verse a set number of lines and each a pattern of emphasis (meter) could help to make your rhyme flow really nicely. For example, by changing the second line to something along the lines of ‘It tends to overflow’ or ‘It always overflows’ changes the number of syllables in the line and the places in which emphasis occur naturally to better parallel the meter of the first line. This isn’t necessarily something you need to change, but I think that working with it could make your piece really strong.
I look forward to reading more of your work. This was delightful to read!
First of all, wow. I’ve been wanting to try doing a verse storytelling week, but I’ve been too worried about how it would turn out. Meanwhile, you wrote this story flawlessly! I thought the ABAB style was an interesting decision considering the PDE Ramayana edition typically did AABB. Anyway, Hanuman is my favorite character in Indian mythology so far, and I’m obsessed with his burning-the-city-with-his-tail situation. I’m super glad you did him justice, and I’m very impressed on your execution of the story.
ReplyDeleteI feel that you executed the process of storytelling in a poetic and rhyming format very well. I understand how difficult it can be to follow the same rhyme scheme throughout a story, while also trying to make sure that it can be read and understood. If you were to revise this story, would you think about changing the names of the characters? I feel like this is a small detail that you could change. In your author's note, I noticed that you were worried about adding too much detail. I would say the more the merrier in this situation. However, when I say more, I am addressing the implementation of more imagery that advances the story and personification of specific elements such as the fire mentioned in the story. I liked the story as a whole and you did well with keeping audience entertained by the story. Lastly, I would try to outline the formatting of your stanzas before writing, so that they are consistent. I suggest trying to make your stanzas have the same number of lines.
ReplyDeleteHi Vera! I am from the MythFolklore course and this is the first time I have come across a student writing a rhyme. I was completely surprised! Rhymes are difficult to do especially one as long as yours, so kudos to you! However, there prose that did not match: field, Hanuman, and kill. Was this on purpose?
ReplyDeleteReading the rhyme was like watching an epic period movie of the story. I was very impressed you accomplished this with that intention or not. Usually, I have problems connecting or relating with the characters, but you also conveyed the emotions very well and, as result, I was invested in the characters’ wellbeing and their outcomes.
My favorite scene in the rhyme is when Sita prays to become hellfire and the images that are created just from that line. I imagined a woman grievingly praying for her doom to save Hanuman; imagining her skin glowing bright red as she slowly transformed into fire, her hair catching in the flames and her eyes glowing until I couldn’t distinguish her womanly figure from the fire any longer. Well done!