Monday, March 27, 2017

Week 9 Storytelling: The Monkey In The Trees

       Long ago in a land far, far away lived a couple in a city known as Mumbai. The couple had two sons, named Vali and Sugriva who were very nice, well-mannered boys. They were well known among community members and was always willing to help other people with tasks. Sugriva was the younger brother and always looked up to Vali as a role model, a confidant and a leader and he wanted to be just like his brother when he grew up, but little did he know that things will turn out very badly.

Many years passed and Vali and Sugriva’s parents passed away. Sugriva became possessed by the evil goddess named Kali, when she promised him that he could have all the powers he wanted, only if he would help her out with a few chores. Of course, Sugriva, being a kind-hearted person, agreed to help Kali. It is now that things turned out for the worse. Kali convinced the younger brother to kidnap Vali's fiancé, because she had a sacred Hindu gemstone that Kali needed desperately. Vali realized the brother’s evil plan and took his fiancé to flee to the forest where he knew he would be protected. Unfortunately, Vali was not able to protect Yamai (his fiancé) and she was soon captured by the evil demon’s slaves.

It was a stormy day when Vali roamed through the forest. The wind was howling and leaves rattled loudly when he heard voices in a far distance. At first he thought that it is just the wind, but as the sounds came closer, he realized that it sounded like men, instead. He was scared and thought that it was the demon’s slaves who came back to find him, and having many powers, he quickly turned himself into a monkey. This was however, no ordinary monkey. He was four-foot-tall, dark brown and had big eyes and was able to jump high in the sky from one tree branch to the next. All of a sudden there was a WHOO HOO sound and the two men got so scared, when they saw a flying monkey, that they immediately withdrew their weapons from their shoulders. 

In front of them appeared the monkey who asked the men, "what is it that you are doing in my forest?" The two men did not know what to say at first, but then answered, "We are here to search for Yamai, the princess who got captured by the eval goddess, Kali. We need to find her for Vali's sake, so that he can return to Mumbai and help the people of Mumbai."  Vali was so happy to hear that his people were willing to help him find his lover and so it came that he changed himself into a human. The two men were in such shock, that they had to blink twice to make sure that this was not a bad dream. 

"You will be greatly rewarded for your bravery and it will not go unnoticed", said Vali. What plan do you have in mind to capture Kali? I heard that she is unstoppable. The two men discussed their plan with the monkey and disappeared into the forest to set forth with their discussions.  



Picture Of A Monkey In The Trees. Source: Static






Author's Note: My story is based off of the Ramayana PDE- Sugriva and Hanuman. In the original story, Rama and Lakshmana go on a search for Sugriva and stumble upon a monkey who will lead them to Sugriva. In my version of the story, I decided to change the scene of the story and start it off with a family who lived happily in a town, but when the parents passed away, one of the brothers became possessed by an evil goddess. The characters' roles were also reversed and instead of a monkey turning into a beggar, my character started off as human being and turned into a monkey. The characters were also given different names and played different roles. Instead of meeting the monkey chief, my character met two men from his town, who will help him fight off the evil goddess and save his fiance.


7 comments:

  1. I really enjoyed reading this story! I like that you kept a lot of the main story in your version but you twisted it to make it your own and make something new and creative! I like reading stories and writing stories inspired by the Ramayana because I think the storyline is easy to follow and it is inspiring because it is easy to twist and change.

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  2. I really liked your story and I love how you made it a family that was happy and turned south after heartbreak. This made the story really good and I feel that it makes it more relatable to people rather than one person just being a bad person. This made it really good to me. My one thought that struck me, wasn't Vali the bad monkey and Sugriva the good one? If you meant to switch the rolls then that is great, just my question though.

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  3. Your wrote a good story but I feel like it has potential to be better. The thing I would suggest is at the end when Vali is talking with the two people looking for Yamai to help Vali. Instead of just saying that the two men and Vali discussed their plan, actually have some dialog so the reader knows what the plan is. Ending like that seemed fairly abrupt because the story itself is already short. You have no limits what you can write about so you could make up some intriguing and intricate plan that seems nearly impossible. That's the only thing I would suggest you change, add dialog between Vali and the two men to reveal what the actual plan to recover Yamai is. Or if you leave it the way it is you could write another few paragraphs and have the two men actually recover Yamai with Vali's assistance. One this is certain, you need more content to make the story seem complete.

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  4. Since the Ramayana has that laser-like focus on Rama, there are a lot of interesting side characters whose stories go untold, which is a shame. I love how you used this opportunity to flesh out and change up the backstory of the monkey brothers, giving them lives and problems of their own. I’m also a big fan of open endings, so I liked how you left room for interpretation as to what happens next. Nicely done!

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  5. I really enjoyed your story! I thought it was a very creative rendition from the original. My favorite part of the whole thing was the imagery you used. It really helped set the scene for the whole thing. I believe that is the most important thing a writer can do when writing their own version of an original story. Nice job!

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  6. I really like that you chose this story. I enjoyed reading about Sugriva and Hanuman during the weeks that we read about the Ramayana. I did my own storytelling that included elements of this story. Also, I like the image that you incorporated to match the story. You started the story off with the couple, but I was unsure if it was a random couple or a famous couple that we were supposed to know about already. Could you please supply some clarity about this? I like how you added the element of surprise and reality by making the men shocked to see a monkey turn into a human. I would be taken aback as well to see this occur. I would love to see you to add more to the story. I think you possibly talk about Vali's treck through the forest and the obstacles that he encountered or how Yamai's capture unfolded.

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  7. Hi Vera, I like the idea you have for this story. Vali is a bit overshadow by Hanuman and Sugriva in the original Ramayana story, therefore, it is nice to see him being the protagonist here. Although, I thought the story feel a bit rush especially at the end, when the two men and Vali discuss their plan together, I wish there will be some dialogues. Nonetheless, not revealing the plan left an open space for you to write a continuation or a sequel of this story if you want to. Therefore, writing a sequel can unfold the plan to us readers! Overall, I enjoy reading your story and good job. I can't help but laugh at the part the two men get scare by hearing the "WOO HOO" sound.

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